competitive wives

I don't like how I feel all of this pressure to "compete" to be "the best wife". It's not that the women around me put each other down, but it always seems like they are trying to out-do one another. The reason I think this is not because I am jealous of what these other women do (although at times I am, which I wish I wasn't, but just being real here because they are amazing women and make some REALLY cool stuff! haha), but because I see how they go out of their way to tell people what they do or make it apparent. I used to be someone who does this, but I think I've been really convicted of this. I don't want to be like that...I don't need to display all the things I can do. Of course when I get excited I'll share with Sal and my parents, but I don't post all over the internet about it (once again, I definitely used to be like that, I'm not trying to act like I'm better or trying to be condemning).

I know some people maintain blogs to encourage and help others with ideas and that's a heart thing...I think some of that isn't for competition or praise. I have a friend who runs a wonderful blog that I don't perceive this way...I believe she does it to honestly help teach others and share about her life without being all "showy" and "look what I can do". But you can just tell by how some people behave why they are doing something, and that's when I get personally frustrated.

Then I try to figure out why it bothers me so much, and I'm not really sure. Maybe it's because I wish it was me getting attention for the things I did, but I know in my heart that's not where humility lies. I also see how God has gifted me in so many ways...I really am blessed with several talents...so I try to look past the "need" for attention. I see gifts to people as a blessing and not as a reason for a praise. I don't want to make something for someone so they will like me more or think a certain way about me, I just want that person to feel cared for and loved. If I see someone with a need or if they ask a question I will certainly share my ideas and help them; that's not the same as approaching people, out of context, with the intent of speaking about something you made or bragging.

Trust me, it's taken a long time for me to get to this point. I still struggle with it, but I am glad God has been working on my heart to refine me and show me that I don't need tons of attention from other people and acquaintances (also why I am working on refining (for lack of a better term) my friendships/relationships and not using facebook anymore).
I have a wonderful husband who, although not always shows his appreciation, understands the hard work I put into things and takes opportunities to recognize them...or at least will be happy and excited for me when I am happy and excited about something I did and share with him. ;)

I know a young couple where the husband has no care whatsoever about what his wife does--she is a culinary artist and LOVES baking, so basically he's a crazy guy for not gobbling up all the yummy treats she makes haha--and I'm not sure how it makes her feel, but observing how he treated her passion made me feel SO bummed out for her and that much more thankful that my husband isn't like that! Who knows, maybe because I am given this appreciation by my husband, I don't seek the attention elsewhere. Maybe these "competitive wives" don't get enough attention from their husbands. But then again, I don't see it as an excuse, and it appears to me they get plenty of attention from their significant others. I blame it on the internet/social media era where everyone sees "the best" (often fabricated) of other people's lives and feel like they have to keep up with everyone around them...with facebook, pinterest, blogging...there's a lot of crafts and desserts to bake with very little time! ;)

This is where I'll wrap up this entry, with a sigh of relief and a prayer of praise for the Lord's grace that I am moving away from a cry for attention, in prayer for softening of the Christian women who aren't convicted yet, in prayer for the women who don't know Christ at all, and an e-hug for all of the women out there who are trying to prepare better homes for their children and husbands by figuring out how to do things (sewing, baking, cooking) which take time, patience, dedication, and love.

Maybe I'll get a moment to write this evening while I am relaxing at home.

But for now I just want to list out some of the awesome things that have been going on. I am enjoying the summer a lot :)

Last Friday we went longboarding for Shane's birthday and got Cold Stone ice cream. We had a nice bonfire afterward, but had to leave early. Little did Shane know we were surprising him Saturday morning...we kidnapped him and took him to Indianapolis for "Run For Your Lives" Zombie 5K. It was a BLAST. It made me sore and exhausted, but entirely worth it.

Monday night we ate sushi with some best friends.

Tuesday night was Bible study.

Tonight we're using one of Sal's free dinner coupons for our meal immediately after work! And then I will relax in peace at home for a while by myself (needed).

Thursday we're using another of Sal's free dinner coupons for our meal with a group of 6 wonderful friends.

Friday we're taking a half-day at work and heading out to the lakehouse for the entire weekend (well, I'll be coming home for like 3 hours for a baby shower). Erica is coming with me on Saturday! :D

Saturday is also Sal's birthday! Yayyyy :) I have a special present for him, I hope he likes it (I can post about it AFTER he gets it)

Sunday we're celebrating his birthday just as a family (us two).

Monday we're celebrating his birthday with his parents and brothers.

Wednesday we have work off for the holiday.

Saturday we are going to our friend's Harry Potter themed birthday (yup...she's gonna be 28).

planning not to plan

So I have made a decision to not make any more week day plans for the rest of the summer.

One reason is because I need to crack down at work and I can't feel the pressure to leave to go home when it might be in my best interest to stay at work longer.

Second reason is because I end up in situations like now where I haven't had a chance to be at home with just Sal before 11:30pm in 2 weeks. I can't function like that...I am definitely an introverted person so as much as I love others, I need time to myself to not go insane.

There are circumstances where I am allowing myself to make a plan. But in general, I do not plan on making any plans more than 24 hours in advance.

I'm not sure if this is productive to post on a public blog, but I suppose it doesn't really matter at this point. Even if no one reads this, I feel like by making it open to anyone it somewhat helps hold me accountable to calming my life down.

I like what an old mentor of mine has told me (paraphrasing)...live your life. Invite people to join you in your daily tasks (where you can, obviously I can't bring people to my job) but don't plan everything out otherwise you will have no time with yourself and God and your spouse which is essential. You can plan out every hour and detail for the next 6 months, but you can't really live happily like that. You'll get burned out and that's not good for anyone--you or your relationships.

I go for weeks on end before I get one evening off and that's not healthy. I know I am sort of cutting to another extreme of not making any plans Mon-Thurs, but I am still planning weekends. It just so happens they are all busy from now until August. Whoops. I guess if I can cut this off to give myself room to breathe, I can recharge, actually enjoy my summer, and get things done instead of it flying by in a whirl-wind and feeling unaccomplished.

The question I want to know is when did I become so popular??? aha. I'm kidding, but really, how do I know this many people that want to hang out? I feel like that's a reason why I like the idea of deleting facebook. Rather, I need to have better self control so I don't find myself in these situations.

the art of shrugging and laughing

So many interesting things going on in life...including recreational events and work-related drama(ish).

This summer has been very eventful and fun. I am spending time with loved ones a lot and I've been really enjoying my marriage with my awesome husband :). He is such a great friend!

In terms of work, I've really gotten good at shrugging and laughing things off. I am SO at peace with the situation and am extremely blessed. Several of my old posts where I am frustrated are directed at the same people that are being a blessing in my life. Weird how that works. I am grateful for it, though.

Longer/more detailed update to come. 

gardening

I woke up early this morning to get a great start to my day...going plant shopping with my mom!

Sal and I live in an apartment, so there are some things that home-owners/renters have the luxury of that we do not. For example, growing a large garden. Well, we are lucky enough to have a balcony off of our living room that gets lots of sunshine during the day! That means we can at least do some potted plants.

So today, I went with my mom to a gardening store to pick some out! :). We also went to Big Lots to find some inexpensives containers and supplies.

I ended up purchasing lemongrass, spinach, cherry tomatoes, green beans, red pepper, green pepper, cucumber, and two kinds of flowers (can't remember what kind at the moment) for a decorative flower hanger I have. I feel like I am forgetting something? Maybe not. I can update later when everything is sorted out (it's all at my parents' for now, I am planning on potting tomorrow at their house and then setting everything up since there is really nowhere to prep here).

There are so many other plants I'd like to grow, but since this is my first garden on my own, I figured this was a good place to start! Some key things I'd like to add are onions (sweet or green or both!), carrots, and lots of herbs. I was actually very tempted to buy a ton of herbs, but I don't have enough recipes and I didn't want to be wasteful. I just get very excited at the thought of cultivating this all myself that sometimes I feel as though I might go overboard... :-P. So I convinced myself not to buy tons of herbs yet until I have an idea of how I might use them.

I think I will really enjoy gardening. There are a bunch of reasons...I like doing things with my parents and they have been awesome teachers of things like this, it saves money, home-grown vegetables taste infinitely better, I can completely control how they are handled and grown (trying to be cleaner/organic/no chemicals), I can pick at optimum ripeness instead of what is offered at the store, I can share with friends so they can enjoy the goodness, it's relaxing, etc etc etc. I run the risk of screwing it up or just having a bad season because of weather or something, but I think it's worth it. I'm sure it's a very rewarding process and I look forward to experiencing my own harvest.