I am about to be one of those people who owns a witty t-shirt.

Thanks, woot.

All the time

In regards to last night's confusion, I understand. It all points to Him. It all points to what I need to do. Opportunity to share the Gospel, the Good News. To be faithful to Him.

No matter if ears are closed. Praying they break free, that the heart opens and the chains fall.

He is good, all the time.

finding the value in showering, getting dressed up well, and going out to do work. it's motivating, despite how tired, exhausted you are. emotionally, mentally, physically. gotta press on.

3am

what in the world is happening right now?

got an extension from Friday morning to Saturday night...so that gives me practically 2 days more to work on the paper! goodness, grace.

I need to get out of this funk, for real. Today is just one of those days, and I'm over it.

Went to bed sick, slept like garbage, woke up even sicker. Running myself down right before break.

Slow it down.

This random posting to no one but myself is holding my sanity in.

give thanks

right at this moment, thankful for:
-God's grace
-productivity, no matter how small
-empty blog posts to waste time on writing
-the sunshine on my back, warming my entire body
-water
-coffee
-pandora radio
-naproxin
-career development
-eventual sleep
-super-cute and supportive husband (not to mention his ridiculously long back-rubs. I'm serious...if we're watching TV or something, it can go on for an hour + !!! don't be too jealous)
-the smell of donuts in the air (which is strange because there are no donuts around. I am at Panera, though, so it could be some other kind of bread or pastry. I DID smell this same smell the other day at my apartment for no reason...Sal was heating up chicken in the toaster oven at the time so that definitely isn't it, lol!)

Okay, back to work.

God, grant me focus and productivity today, please.

Oh, the games we play.

Don't you worry there my honey
We might not have any money
But we've got our love to pay the bills
Maybe I think you're cute and funny
Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you
if you know what I mean

Oh lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

Well you might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else
So I will help you read those books
If you will soothe my worried looks
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf

Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

too much of this, too little of that

Okay, last post before I work for the next 2.5 hours. I can do it.

I was thinking about some of my up-coming goals. I'm not sure I believe "new year's resolutions" are entirely effective. I think planning to change something overnight (literally) for the YEAR is far-fetched. I would like to start the new year with some fresh, short term goals to get me started on a nice track.

So here is one goal I'd like to share so far: Watch less TV.

Here's the scoop, when "bored", I often find random things to stream off of Netflix. Sure, some of the shows are entertaining and not inherently bad. But there are much better ways to fill my time. For most shows, I actually don't just sit and watch them. I use them as an ear-filler while I complete other tasks, sometimes being distracted by them. But there are much better things to fill my head with.

So to combat this habit, I have decided I will not completely just cut out TV, but for the month of January I will watch the shows that are "worthwhile" to me by keeping the ones I watch with my husband (or friends) on the line-up--fellowship opportunity (?? am I stretching it? haha), and allow myself ONE show on my own. Right now that only consists of the Office (like I mentioned, wraps up this year so that will ultimately cut out one show eventually), Parks and Recreation, and the Walking Dead with husband. We are also watching Code Geass with some friends. There are two other shows I am into right now, and that is Parenthood which I will likely keep on my radar as the one show I watch on my own, and a newly started (as in, I just started watching it, it only has 24-20m eps) anime called "Clannad: After Story" because it is rated one of the top anime story-lines in all of anime.

Now, that still is a lot of TV, right? Yeah, it kind of is. I am hoping to have Clannad finished before the New Year, though (sneak it in before I enforce the rules, strictly), Code Geass only has so many episodes before we finish it as well, and the Walking Dead isn't back on until February. ...so that makes it ~1.5-2 hours a week of TV. When I put it that way, it makes me feel better haha.
Well, if you only knew how many times I have seen Office re-runs, or watched random episodes of random shows. Or the shows that I actually keep up with that I don't even enjoy...New Girl, the Mindy Project. Or shows I enjoy but can live without (although of course I can live without all of them) like Modern Family, Secret Life (YES, I admit it. It's probably the worst show on TV).

I am hoping this fight for self-control will go well. I think I can do it. If I ask God for His power, I know I can. I have a strong belief that after a month of fasting in this way, I will be able to keep this up and maybe even find the shows I desire right now to lose their appeal. That sounds sad to me right now, but if He changes my heart, I will not have any grievances and ultimately it is absolutely no loss to me.

Like a cigarette smoker, giving up a bad habit often needs to be replaced with a similar, yet better habit. (ie chewing on a straw, tending to the oral fixation).

Therefore, since I like to have a show on while I do dishes or knit...the new plan will be listening to sermons or the audio Bible instead. It's honestly silly and stupid this isn't what I do anyway. Instead of streaming an episode of a show before bed, I will read one of the many books on my shelf that have gone untouched over the years.
So I look forward to how this will positively impact my mind, my productivity in general, and my life!

* * *

Speaking of self-control...
Sal and I challenged one another to "no-pop-November" (NPN). It was entirely necessary. I would have to say every week I would challenge myself, fight myself, to stop drinking pop if only for a few days. But I'd probably go a stretch of about 2 days before I drank some of that delicious, syrupy poison (lol). I was tempted on a few occasions, primarily when there were 2L sitting out at social gatherings and it was free! But I resisted, despite really wanting to drink some.

As for NPN? I'd say it was 100% successful. This is not because we did not drink pop at all during the month, (I had pop twice, with these two exceptions already mapped out: once at Thanksgiving, just a small glass of Dr Pepper, and again after an entire day of vomiting and migraines a can of cherry Pepsi---both at the end of the month), rather quite a few things positive things have happened: I don't feel as tired; my skin has cleared up immensely; I don't feel as...bleh...full-like in the gross way pop fills you up, sluggish; I have only had ONE migraine in like 6 weeks (and I know it is attributed to hormones); I don't have a desire to drink pop at all anymore... I'd say all of the above are a result of two things: less pop, and the most important physical "happening" from not drinking pop: drinking a lot of water!!!

I always knew I didn't drink that much water, but I never fully saw how much it affected me. I actually have had 2 other drinks of pop since then...once was a bottle of vanilla coke that I didn't even enjoy and a glass bottle of IBC that I drank about half of. I don't desire pop anymore because of how it makes me feel, knowing how good I can feel without it. I think about the 70 GRAMS of sugar in a small bottle of it and it makes me feel sick. Just something about it makes me turn away from it. I prayed to God to help me get through the month without desiring it, and He has changed my affections toward it. I actually felt somewhat enslaved to it, because I CRAVED it, and felt like I needed it. Like I would go out to the store just to buy a pop because it felt like it "hit the spot" with some meals. Isn't that horrible? I feel like I got over some weird addiction. I don't think I was addicted to its caffeine; rather, just the sugar and the habit.

These days I drink some coffee (no sugar or milk added--never thought I would do this! haha), milk, water. I don't even like juice, honestly. I would rather eat a piece a fruit (which is better for you, even if the juice is 100%). But funny how I never gave so much credit to WATER. We all know we need it to live. God made it for us on the second day...what a simple, beautiful creation. It is so clear (no pun intended) that water would offer an abundance of goodness. It's a simple contribution that we definitely take for granted and under-appreciate.


I am just liking the way I am feeling...more energy, more confidence (acne is pretty much GONE entirely), and happier with my decision and control. Praise God for His Spirit who empowers me and answers my prayers! Nothing is too small for Him, and it's showing me how He listens to all our requests and I love the large impact something so small has on my life.

NPN inspires me not only for what it was set out to do, but the indirect implications of it. I am so joyful to the Lord and grateful for this from Him. It increases my trust in Him and His promises, makes me laugh at myself for the little things in my life that can make such a difference, makes me understand how little things in our life can control us--I was sort of mastered by it, in a way!--and that I need to rely on One and I will be sustained and straightened out, etc etc etc.

* * *

It seems silly to say, these two topics are not inherently bad (pop and TV are not sins!!!), but when we let them take control over a part of our life, it is definitely sin! It's easy to hide because they are just normal things in society. But let's face what is honest here, I was mastered by pop: the craving, the feel like I needed it, the fact that I couldn't go 2 days without giving in. Right now, I don't even know what to consider this TV thing. The more I think about it, I am realizing the sin is not the shows but their distraction. What are your distractions? Instead of being fed the Word, I feel like I need to have this mindless entertainment going on in the background. If there is something in my life that I challenge by saying, "I will do without" but find myself continuing to do, that is probably something that is chaining me down. Instead of TV shows, I can fill the air with productivity...and is getting addicted to His Word or learning about Him a bad thing? I think He's the one thing I WANT to be addicted to. I want to crave my Lord!!! To feel that I can't go a day without Him. Because c'mon, I CAN'T, He is the life inside of me...

My affections toward Him will only increase, sharpening me, and refining what my mind and heart desire.


Psalm 37:3-6

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

need this break

I hear the whispers of my co-workers' complaining.

I grow weary from the mounds of reading and writing and THINKING I have to do. After 21 years of being a student, I am ready for my time to be done for a bit.

At the least, I look forward to Dec 22nd...I get 10 days off in a row. :)

Until then, I feel like my life will need plenty of:
-encouragement
-long hugs from my ever-so-wonderful and cozy husband
-coffee
-water
-whole foods
-back massages
-purry-snuggling with my kitty
-laughs and laughs


...and with that...tall coffee, please. haha! hopefully the boost I need at this 2pm lull.

some days you just need an extra hour...or twenty...

sharp tongue

Why is it so difficult to hold your tongue sometimes?
I say this mainly because there is something on my mind that I feel strongly about that I really want to express. My opinion on this matter honestly doesn't really matter (it's not really something that I care about at all--so please tell me why I feel strongly about it?? does that even make sense?, haha) and would probably just start an argument. What is it in me that wants to say this, though? I am convincing myself over and over NOT to just say it. I just gotta walk away for a minute and forget about it. I guess it's pride, that I feel my opinion is the best opinion and the world needs to know it, lol.

Okay, just needed to get that out so I can see how sinful I am and be thankful the Holy Spirit can grant me self-awareness and self-control!!!!

heavy

We say we believe that Jesus is God; we say we believe that He is alive. Why do we ACT like He isn't? He undeservedly died so we could undeservedly have eternity with God in heaven. Why do we keep on picking and choosing what we feel like and leave other parts out? Why do we opt for what we find comfortable (which often lacks truth!)? If we were to see Jesus today, would we seriously try to use those as excuses for our behavior?!
Why do we keep on sinning and ignoring what is written on our hearts?
Not one of us can claim perfection as our own, and self defeat from lack thereof is similarly unproductive. Still, I harbor a deep pain over our choices, as a whole. Ignorance is not an excuse, and thereby inexcusable.  This is not only hurting ourselves, but everyone around us as well. We need to step up to what we're called to do. Jesus IS God and Jesus IS alive, and our lives should reflect that.

The weight of the cross is nothing to be taken lightly.
I'm in deep sorrow and regret over our sin and I'm humbled in gratitude for the free gift Christ has given us! How great He is! There is hope in Him!

Praying for salvation and further, conviction.

"Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." - 1 John 5 1:-5



"The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. 

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin."

Romans 5:20-6:7

mrow.

I love the loyalty of my cat.

Whenever I come home, he follows me around until I finally sit down somewhere (anywhere) and he finds a way to come sit right next to me and purr, regardless if I pet him or not. He chats with me when I talk to him (although he also loves starting the conversation) and loves following our daily habits, particularly snuggling up at bed time.

What a wonderful pet. I love him :)

It's not You; it's me.

I'm feeling weird lately. It's a worn down, yet persevering feeling. Praise Him because without the Holy Spirit I don't think I could get anything accomplished or stay on the right track. It's weird how evil tries all these ways to sneak under my skin. I see it, though. The conviction God sets on my heart allows me to see and understand temptation even when it is happening. It provides clear opportunity (and causes me) to turn the other way.  But sometimes, it's hard to run. Sometimes I walk, slowly. It sucks when you understand that you're being tempted. It's such a strange thing. There is no way to fully describe it, but I don't like it. I'm thankful, though, for the Spirit's guidance and strength to overcome.

I'm over this. Today I will survive in victory over these temptations and subsequent sins and subsequent death, because He overwhelms all blemishes with strength and grace.

less of me, more of You

time for rest

burned out lately. doing great, but burned out. low patience today.

not snapping out loud, but snapping in my head. not any better.

breathe.

competitive wives

I don't like how I feel all of this pressure to "compete" to be "the best wife". It's not that the women around me put each other down, but it always seems like they are trying to out-do one another. The reason I think this is not because I am jealous of what these other women do (although at times I am, which I wish I wasn't, but just being real here because they are amazing women and make some REALLY cool stuff! haha), but because I see how they go out of their way to tell people what they do or make it apparent. I used to be someone who does this, but I think I've been really convicted of this. I don't want to be like that...I don't need to display all the things I can do. Of course when I get excited I'll share with Sal and my parents, but I don't post all over the internet about it (once again, I definitely used to be like that, I'm not trying to act like I'm better or trying to be condemning).

I know some people maintain blogs to encourage and help others with ideas and that's a heart thing...I think some of that isn't for competition or praise. I have a friend who runs a wonderful blog that I don't perceive this way...I believe she does it to honestly help teach others and share about her life without being all "showy" and "look what I can do". But you can just tell by how some people behave why they are doing something, and that's when I get personally frustrated.

Then I try to figure out why it bothers me so much, and I'm not really sure. Maybe it's because I wish it was me getting attention for the things I did, but I know in my heart that's not where humility lies. I also see how God has gifted me in so many ways...I really am blessed with several talents...so I try to look past the "need" for attention. I see gifts to people as a blessing and not as a reason for a praise. I don't want to make something for someone so they will like me more or think a certain way about me, I just want that person to feel cared for and loved. If I see someone with a need or if they ask a question I will certainly share my ideas and help them; that's not the same as approaching people, out of context, with the intent of speaking about something you made or bragging.

Trust me, it's taken a long time for me to get to this point. I still struggle with it, but I am glad God has been working on my heart to refine me and show me that I don't need tons of attention from other people and acquaintances (also why I am working on refining (for lack of a better term) my friendships/relationships and not using facebook anymore).
I have a wonderful husband who, although not always shows his appreciation, understands the hard work I put into things and takes opportunities to recognize them...or at least will be happy and excited for me when I am happy and excited about something I did and share with him. ;)

I know a young couple where the husband has no care whatsoever about what his wife does--she is a culinary artist and LOVES baking, so basically he's a crazy guy for not gobbling up all the yummy treats she makes haha--and I'm not sure how it makes her feel, but observing how he treated her passion made me feel SO bummed out for her and that much more thankful that my husband isn't like that! Who knows, maybe because I am given this appreciation by my husband, I don't seek the attention elsewhere. Maybe these "competitive wives" don't get enough attention from their husbands. But then again, I don't see it as an excuse, and it appears to me they get plenty of attention from their significant others. I blame it on the internet/social media era where everyone sees "the best" (often fabricated) of other people's lives and feel like they have to keep up with everyone around them...with facebook, pinterest, blogging...there's a lot of crafts and desserts to bake with very little time! ;)

This is where I'll wrap up this entry, with a sigh of relief and a prayer of praise for the Lord's grace that I am moving away from a cry for attention, in prayer for softening of the Christian women who aren't convicted yet, in prayer for the women who don't know Christ at all, and an e-hug for all of the women out there who are trying to prepare better homes for their children and husbands by figuring out how to do things (sewing, baking, cooking) which take time, patience, dedication, and love.

Maybe I'll get a moment to write this evening while I am relaxing at home.

But for now I just want to list out some of the awesome things that have been going on. I am enjoying the summer a lot :)

Last Friday we went longboarding for Shane's birthday and got Cold Stone ice cream. We had a nice bonfire afterward, but had to leave early. Little did Shane know we were surprising him Saturday morning...we kidnapped him and took him to Indianapolis for "Run For Your Lives" Zombie 5K. It was a BLAST. It made me sore and exhausted, but entirely worth it.

Monday night we ate sushi with some best friends.

Tuesday night was Bible study.

Tonight we're using one of Sal's free dinner coupons for our meal immediately after work! And then I will relax in peace at home for a while by myself (needed).

Thursday we're using another of Sal's free dinner coupons for our meal with a group of 6 wonderful friends.

Friday we're taking a half-day at work and heading out to the lakehouse for the entire weekend (well, I'll be coming home for like 3 hours for a baby shower). Erica is coming with me on Saturday! :D

Saturday is also Sal's birthday! Yayyyy :) I have a special present for him, I hope he likes it (I can post about it AFTER he gets it)

Sunday we're celebrating his birthday just as a family (us two).

Monday we're celebrating his birthday with his parents and brothers.

Wednesday we have work off for the holiday.

Saturday we are going to our friend's Harry Potter themed birthday (yup...she's gonna be 28).

planning not to plan

So I have made a decision to not make any more week day plans for the rest of the summer.

One reason is because I need to crack down at work and I can't feel the pressure to leave to go home when it might be in my best interest to stay at work longer.

Second reason is because I end up in situations like now where I haven't had a chance to be at home with just Sal before 11:30pm in 2 weeks. I can't function like that...I am definitely an introverted person so as much as I love others, I need time to myself to not go insane.

There are circumstances where I am allowing myself to make a plan. But in general, I do not plan on making any plans more than 24 hours in advance.

I'm not sure if this is productive to post on a public blog, but I suppose it doesn't really matter at this point. Even if no one reads this, I feel like by making it open to anyone it somewhat helps hold me accountable to calming my life down.

I like what an old mentor of mine has told me (paraphrasing)...live your life. Invite people to join you in your daily tasks (where you can, obviously I can't bring people to my job) but don't plan everything out otherwise you will have no time with yourself and God and your spouse which is essential. You can plan out every hour and detail for the next 6 months, but you can't really live happily like that. You'll get burned out and that's not good for anyone--you or your relationships.

I go for weeks on end before I get one evening off and that's not healthy. I know I am sort of cutting to another extreme of not making any plans Mon-Thurs, but I am still planning weekends. It just so happens they are all busy from now until August. Whoops. I guess if I can cut this off to give myself room to breathe, I can recharge, actually enjoy my summer, and get things done instead of it flying by in a whirl-wind and feeling unaccomplished.

The question I want to know is when did I become so popular??? aha. I'm kidding, but really, how do I know this many people that want to hang out? I feel like that's a reason why I like the idea of deleting facebook. Rather, I need to have better self control so I don't find myself in these situations.

the art of shrugging and laughing

So many interesting things going on in life...including recreational events and work-related drama(ish).

This summer has been very eventful and fun. I am spending time with loved ones a lot and I've been really enjoying my marriage with my awesome husband :). He is such a great friend!

In terms of work, I've really gotten good at shrugging and laughing things off. I am SO at peace with the situation and am extremely blessed. Several of my old posts where I am frustrated are directed at the same people that are being a blessing in my life. Weird how that works. I am grateful for it, though.

Longer/more detailed update to come. 

gardening

I woke up early this morning to get a great start to my day...going plant shopping with my mom!

Sal and I live in an apartment, so there are some things that home-owners/renters have the luxury of that we do not. For example, growing a large garden. Well, we are lucky enough to have a balcony off of our living room that gets lots of sunshine during the day! That means we can at least do some potted plants.

So today, I went with my mom to a gardening store to pick some out! :). We also went to Big Lots to find some inexpensives containers and supplies.

I ended up purchasing lemongrass, spinach, cherry tomatoes, green beans, red pepper, green pepper, cucumber, and two kinds of flowers (can't remember what kind at the moment) for a decorative flower hanger I have. I feel like I am forgetting something? Maybe not. I can update later when everything is sorted out (it's all at my parents' for now, I am planning on potting tomorrow at their house and then setting everything up since there is really nowhere to prep here).

There are so many other plants I'd like to grow, but since this is my first garden on my own, I figured this was a good place to start! Some key things I'd like to add are onions (sweet or green or both!), carrots, and lots of herbs. I was actually very tempted to buy a ton of herbs, but I don't have enough recipes and I didn't want to be wasteful. I just get very excited at the thought of cultivating this all myself that sometimes I feel as though I might go overboard... :-P. So I convinced myself not to buy tons of herbs yet until I have an idea of how I might use them.

I think I will really enjoy gardening. There are a bunch of reasons...I like doing things with my parents and they have been awesome teachers of things like this, it saves money, home-grown vegetables taste infinitely better, I can completely control how they are handled and grown (trying to be cleaner/organic/no chemicals), I can pick at optimum ripeness instead of what is offered at the store, I can share with friends so they can enjoy the goodness, it's relaxing, etc etc etc. I run the risk of screwing it up or just having a bad season because of weather or something, but I think it's worth it. I'm sure it's a very rewarding process and I look forward to experiencing my own harvest.

inferiority

Stepping up and trying to take matters into my own hands.

People will manipulate me or make me feel inferior...because I let them. I only feel less than others because it's how I perceive myself. I think I was born more of a leader, and it has shown to be true in how I get treated when I am in groups with people. People just tend to look to me. I don't believe I am out-spoken about things. I just wind up falling into that role.

Anyway, like I said. I need to stop being so hard on myself, and rather proud of my talents that are possible only through Christ who grants them to me. I will use them to bless and teach others. AMEN!

God's plan

I gotta put more faith in God's plan.

Overall I am not worried about how my career will end up. Honestly, I don't care...I will be happy with either outcome I am optioned with right now. But it's the day-to-day wear and tear that destroys me quite a bit. I need to pray about it and trust God with what will happen. So far up to this point, I've received pretty clear answers on what I need to do because usually one thing will work out and the other thing won't. However, this time I have a choice and it could go either way. I don't know how to do this.

questions

I have so many questions about my faith. Not that I am questioning my faith...I know whole-heartedly that Jesus is the only Savior and King, and I am his. But that doesn't mean there aren't questions about certain things. I think that God gave us the Bible to know what we need to know. Anything the Bible doesn't address, isn't something that is necessary to have the answer to (otherwise he would have told us). And I'm not talking about abortion or something, I know the word "abortion" isn't in the Bible, but I think things like that are still very clear. I am talking about deeper things about God outside of our time of chronos. I am interested in things I can't even convey in words but make sense in my head. That is something I plan on working on soon...writing out my thoughts and trying to convey them the best I can. I can start to try and have sensible conversations with people on these things. Sometimes when we can get our thoughts and questions out, we often stumble upon the answers on our own.

budgeting

So a little while back (3 weeks ago) Sal and I set up a budget plan. We realized how important it is to have one: that we should always understand where our money is going and how much we have. I know that sounds incredibly obvious, but it's so easy to lose track. Not that we were or are super spenders, but almost just as bad, we are (were!) mini-spenders. Spending dollars here and there, seemingly innocent. However, it was a little more than we should--and that adds up. So the past three weeks we've kept a tight watch on our money, being frugal and smart and basically, we're owning it!!! I am excited. Stuff is going to be tight for a few months since we sorta left ourselves with no other option until Sal gets his next fin-aid return. But hopefully with his next allowance of aid and my (hopefully) new job, we can keep this budget and do a great job of pushing our overflow onto credit cards (mine are almost completely paid off! Then on to conquering Sal's...not an insane amount, but definitely enough to roll your eyes at and want to push to get those suckers knocked out), and saving for a few things: namely, for a used car and car repair $. My Civic is in great shape, it's just that I like to have some buffer money in CASE of repairs. They come out of left field and hit you and it's so nice to have money set aside for those little (or BIG) inconveniences.

Anyway, this is a long, boring post about budgets, for goodness' sake. HA! I am an old, married lady. But honestly, I think it's been an exciting experience to mature in this way. It takes quite some effort to keep up with it all, but it's well worth it. I like setting spending amounts and then seeing how we are UNDER for the week or month and can put the excess towards our debts (for now) and vacations (eventually! haha).

I feel like I should end this post with something less boring, serious, and old.

Umm...just beat the second temple in Legend of Zelda: WindWaker. So far so good! But not my favorite of the series. Many people said it was their fave, so I am just trying to feel it out. So far I still like Ocarina of Time with a very close second with Skyward Sword...

Pay-off

So Sal and I have accrued a bit of credit card debt due to our trip to the Philippines (plane tickets) and our wedding. It's nothing worth freaking out over, but it IS a pain in the butt. I am a little excited because I have a plan....to have my card paid off by November 2012. Ready, set, go! :D

That still leaves Sal's cards, but he's getting 2 jobs this summer and hopefully he can use his earnings to knock his out. I wanna be credit-card-debt-free by 2013. Yes we can! lol

the fruit

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.
He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife bhid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

The location of the Garden as said in Genesis is described in reference to the Pishon, Gihon, Tigris, Euphrates rivers; and three regions of Havilah, Assyria, and Kush. There are hypotheses that place Eden at the headwaters of the Tigris and Euphrates (northern Mesopotamia), in Iraq (Mesopotamia), Africa, and the Persian Gulf.

All of this being said, I find it odd and funny that we often picture Adam and Eve eating an apple as the "forbidden" fruit. Why, though? If we look at a map of the general location of what is described in Genesis, it's not hard to see what kind of food will thrive there: dates, grapes, figs, grapefruit, oranges. Not sure we'd find an apple there. Granted, it was the perfect garden with no blemish, all the animals of the earth were there for Adam to name. So even if the Garden was conducive to grow an apple at the time, I wonder why so many people just assume it was that? And if the fruit is from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the only tree not to eat from or touch, then how can we even assume there are more of this fruit still on earth? Maybe that was the only tree that bore that specific, special type. Or maybe since Adam and Eve's fall it doesn't matter if we're exposed to said fruit.

I know what kind of fruit it is has no importance or implication on the Gospel, but I just found it very interesting how over the centuries it became an apple.

healing

Getting migraines really sucks. It is a rough day when there is no medicine to take to help. However, it's odd how I feel after I make it through another monstrous headache. When I take medicine that relieves the headache it is awesome because I can continue on with my day and my life. It is awful to live with a migraine for hours or even days on end. But there is something different about not taking meds and just weathering the storm. My body feels weak and tired, but stronger. Like I have just overcome something great (which I did). I don't know, I don't really know how to explain it. It's a feeling I get that no medicine gives me. A power to know I can make it through with myself and God, not depending on anything else.

speed

It's funny to me how much of a rush we're always in, and this is apparent to me when people talk about internet speeds. Now, I understand the major difference between say old school AOL dial-up vs DSL or something. But when it comes to minute changes that will complete your search in 0.1 seconds vs 0.4 seconds and that's why people upgrade, it just blows my mind. I don't even notice a difference. I don't mind waiting for a page to load as long as it isn't something timed/urgent. Most things on the internet for most people aren't. idk, just a random thought of the day.

Believe in Christ's victory

...Sin [can’t] be managed, but rather [has] to be defeated. Thankfully, we don’t have to defeat our sin because Christ has already done it for us.

One of my biggest revelations was that I didn’t do anything to conquer my problem. In fact, my self-effort was the reason I fell over and over again. I couldn’t conquer the problem and couldn’t manage my sin.

As Christians, our victory is in Christ Jesus alone. As 1 John 2:1–2 says:

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.

That’s not to say that practical steps aren’t prudent. But they become a problem if we trust in them instead of trusting in the saving work of Christ. Sin management doesn’t change our sinful hearts. Unless our heart is changed, our idols won’t be torn down—and we will fall again.

Often we’re so focused on avoiding temptation that we fail to realize that the problem isn’t temptation. Even Christ was tempted (Hebrews 4:15), and we’re promised that we won’t be tempted beyond our ability (1 Corinthians 10:13). The problem is that we’re sinners in need of a Savior. Avoiding temptation doesn’t change our hearts, but a changed heart, something that can only be accomplished by Christ’s work on the cross and the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, allows us to overcome temptation.

I found these verses particularly helpful as I moved from avoiding temptation to trusting in Jesus to help me overcome temptation.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12:21

“I am writing to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I write to you, children, because you know the Father. I write to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God [Jesus] abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.” – 1 John 2:13–14

“Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” – 1 John 4:4

“For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.” – 1 John 5:4

In light of this, if you’re struggling with [anything], I encourage you to stop trying to just manage your sin and avoid temptation. Stop working in your own strength. Admit to yourself the severity of your sin and idolatry. Admit to those whom you love the darkness of your heart and sins, walking from now on in the light. And finally, trust in Christ Jesus as your righteousness and overcome evil by the faith you have placed in him—not in your own actions and righteousness.

Only then will you be free.

God Loves You
Finally, I want to remind you that God loves you. His desire is to redeem you and bring you back into full relationship with him. You cannot achieve this for yourself. That is why he sent Jesus to accomplish this for us.

“And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.” – 1 John 4:14–19

Meditate on this and realize what a life-changing concept it is.

God’s intentions for you are restoration, not judgment. That judgment has been handed down to Christ as your propitiation, and Christ’s righteousness has been given to you.

You are free. Walk in that freedom.

-Jake Johnson
http://pastormark.tv/2012/03/06/how-jesus-overcame-my-porn-problem

datum vs data

science mumbo-jumbo...

interesting!
http://www.gpuss.co.uk/english_usage/data_plural_singular.htm

migraines

If you've known me for more than a week or so, you'd know that I get chronic migraines since I was a young child. I have pretty much every trigger imaginable (stress, not enough sleep, too much sleep, certain perfumes/smells, certain foods, volatile weather, abnormal schedule, and the list goes on...). Well, I'd have to say one of the greatest factors is stress, the one I first listed. Through God, I have learned to let go of the stress in my life. Obviously it's nearly impossible for anyone to be entirely stress-free, but I can definitely improve the amount of stress I allow in my life. God has freed my mind and heart from so much worry...(finances, having enough time to get things done, being a good enough wife/sister/daughter/aunt/friend, etc).

God cares about us so much...The Gospel according to Matthew is such a testament. Check out Matt 6:25-34 and 11:28-30. Also, Jeremiah 29:11-14. This is what brings me through. I am so precious to Him and it's such a waste of my time to be preoccupied with things that I know will be just fine and will work out in a way that is ultimately in my best interest.



My migraine frequency has gone down TREMENDOUSLY in the past year. I still get some pretty fierce ones every now and then, but those are usually due to other conditions that are out of my control--in particular the crazy MI weather!

It's just so cool how God is healing my mind and my soul, which is literally healing my physical body as well. He is great! Praise.

getting better

All good things come from God...including those who don't house the Spirit.

After praying each day for things to get better at work, it seems like hearts are being worked on. My boss was being so pleasant yesterday and the people that have been blatantly ignoring me are actually talking to me and seem to be sincerely engaged.

I was sitting in the office during a discussion between two bosses of mine that had been fueding for a year and a half...and they were making some reconciliation with one another! One of the guys is planning on moving to a new lab (maybe still will, but it's not out of bad feelings towards the other guy) and they could have gone a few more months being cold to each other, then out of each other's lives for good with no resolution. Instead, they are beginning to patch things up which will make the environment a lot less tense and a lot more tolerable.

After talking to Sal, he had much wisdom to share. I was confused how hearts could change toward the right thing when they aren't even Christ followers. I know good actions aren't even good if they aren't done for and in the name of Jesus, so how does what they do be guided or good? Well, Sal spoke to me about "common grace" that God gives everyone while on earth (which I knew of, but didn't even think about!) which still allows us the opportunity for positive and right actions. The conviction written on our hearts (EVERYONE's heart) from the beginning allows us to absolve sins in our lives. So even if these men aren't proclaiming Jesus as their strength and guide, God still has a morality written on their hearts that can alleviate some of the sins that affect an individual, those around them, and God Himself. Because all sin hurts God--makes Him sad.


Just praise God for clearly having a hand in this situation at my job. Keep praying to Him about its continuation to improve and for my motivation to get through the time I am here.

I have a really big issue with trying to leave early ALL the time and skip out on days. I am allowed to do this, but ultimately it only will make me reach graduation slower. It's hard to be motivated when I don't want to do this now...or even later. I'm trying to come in every single weekday until May 10 (at the least, but that's my goal to start) and staying the whole day for at least 4 out of the 5 days (some Fridays I have less work and it's nice to head home :) ). I need to get in a better habit and be a better worker. Even if I don't want to do this, I need to be a hard worker and good example to those around me. In Romans 12, it reminds me of how I need to be, no matter what. The Bible calls us to serve enthusiastically. Even though this is my job and I get paid (a student salary, but $ nonetheless) I can still be a hard worker for the Lord. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to serve Him...because clearly He has me at this job for a particular purpose. I pray for clarity!


Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving grateful praise.
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his[a];
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

God, please help me get through today. And tomorrow. And the week. And the next few weeks. And months. And years.

I hate working here...

I can't wait for Sal to start his residency and make money so I can forget about all of this.

good day

Although today started with the same pounding headache from Mon/Tues returning :(, I started to feel better around noon and spent the remainder of the day up to this point reading Scripture, playing Just Dance 2, playing Skyward Sword, making dessert for tonight, washing-drying-folding several loads of laundry, and changing the bed sheets.

The rest of the evening will be as follows: one hour zumba class, dinner with Sal's parents and brothers, board games, eating the dessert mentioned earlier (haha) and hopefully a good night's sleep.


Tomorrow I plan on waking up early for work, coming home asap after all of my work is done, working out, lunch, hanging out with Sal and possibly Bonch, and making a new recipe for dinner --goulash, nothing too fancy or difficult, but still new!

It's been a good week, even despite the migraines. God won't let anything bring this girl down right now!

Galatians 2-3

A Christian isn’t someone who believes in God and is a good person. How good do you have to be to go to heaven? Who determines the morality and the strength of our actions? Do sins cancel obedience? Do you trust your ability to be good or do you trust what He has done for you in Jesus? We are in a condition of need, but we cannot remedy our condition of need by ourselves. We cannot cleanse ourselves. We cannot fix ourselves. We cannot heal ourselves. The teaching of the Scriptures is not that we should have faith in ourselves and our ability to fix ourselves and to make ourselves pleasing to God. We should trust not in our works but the works of Jesus. We should have faith in Him, and we should not rest and sleep well because of our goodness, but because of His goodness, and not because of the things that we have done, but solely because of the things that He has done. Galatians 2:4 says that, “The righteous live by faith.” To be righteous is to live by faith, not by law, tradition, culture, legalism or any other form of moral movement.

This faith will change our heart and the desire to live a life pleasing to God will flow out of us, through Him. Fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) are gifts from God that are produced in us when we put faith and trust in Jesus! It's nothing we can claim to be good that we have done...these are from Him.

Galatians 3

Karma? Read Galatians 3. Thank GOD karma is not a real thing...we'd all be screwed. It's so hard for us to understand that having a loving faith in Jesus is all we need. Nothing we can do is good enough to reach righteousness with God--Jesus did all of that for us! If we really believe in Him and in that, we love Him, and out of love we desire to be obedient. But even that obedience does not save us. Do not be fooled!

we have the law (the commandments) of course to try and live by, but also to show us that we cannot follow and keep all of them! the only one who did is Jesus, and that shows us even more how much we need Him. We should of course try to live by them because God made them to improve our lives and to love Him, but there's no way we can reach heaven by "being a good person".

‎"Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?"

^^does He do these things because we're great people, or because we have a great God? ....because we have a great God.

‎"Christ redeemed us" ... !!! :D

Lent

For those of you who practice Lent, I just want to encourage you!!!

Lent is not something done in the Bible, rather is a tradition based off of when Jesus fasted for 40 days before he began His ministry.

When we fast from something, or "give it up", it gives us an opportunity to strengthen our relationship with God. We need nothing else in this life other than Jesus...so when we fast, we can use that time we'd normally spend on a specific activity focused on time with God--in prayer or in silence or in His Word. When we feel tempted to do the activity we are fasting from, we call to Jesus to help us from giving in. We cannot do anything on our own strength, rather we borrow from God who graciously gives to us :) The more we focus on Him and understand that, the more empowered we become through Him!

As those who follow lent practice fasting for 40 days, make it about God, not you. Don't use this as some sort of "self-help" season. Rather, use it to spend more time with our King, our Savior, our Father...and maybe at the end of the the 40 days you'll have a renewed focus in the right direction. A better daily practice and habit of spending more time with Him. A clearer mission.


If you would like prayer on what you're fasting from or encouragement to spend more time with God, please do not hesitate to ask. If you have questions about how to go about spending more time with Him or where to start, also message me. We can get into a convo..it's a lot easier than you think! ;)

music

It's really awesome that we have a smart player that can use the internet to connect various accounts to our TV/speakers--such as Pandora. It's so nice to lounge on a Sunday and just have the radio playing throughout the apartment over our nice tv speakers :)

recommended sunday music: the civil wars radio from pandora. I haven't come across a song that I don't like.

poor guys

Man, girls can be strange, haha.

I was just sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for my computer to start up, when I overheard a girl talking to some guy. The guy did not get a word in for 5 minutes and she just stood there talking about her freckles...how they fluctuate, when she notices when they show up and disappear, how she gets more in the summer, etc. Really? Really?? It's just pretty funny to me. Guys have to put up with some WEIRD stuff.

Oh oh, things are gonna change now for the better
Oh oh, things are gonna change

priorities

1. God/Christian
2. Spouse
3. Children/family
4. Work

random thoughts

-Zumba is awesome.
-Ricky Martin and Dane Cook look a lot alike.
-Naya Rivera is so pretty, it's kind of ridiculous.
-I will be participating in a murder-mystery dinner this weekend...cool!
-Headaches stink.
-I like when people are straight-forward, and not beating around the bush.
-Aubrie Bacon is such a sweet baby...it makes me excited for my future babies--Lord willing (although in no rush lol).
-God is really speaking to me, and I'm trying to listen. It's cool, because I'm seeing prayers and questions answered all the time. The answers are better than I could conjure up--you know it's God.
-My ear has been aching for like 18 hours. Boo-boo?

humility: straight from the Researcher's lab

It's crazy how God finds a way to sneak humility into our lives...sometimes it can even be funny (when it's not slapping you in the face, deservedly heh). I get great  joy when I realize what He's doing. My Father is a clever guy, is He not? :D haha :) The moment when you realize what the Holy Spirit just did, you can't help but let a smirk sneak across your face.

Allow me to explain what happened, which involves a little background (it'll probably turn into A LOT of background). I've never been very good at articulating myself--in speaking or in writing. But I'll give this a shot. It's a blog, so I can always proofread and delete, haha. I over-detail most things. I anticipate that happening here. Before I get further into this, please understand that in NO way am I considering myself to be near God or God-like in ANY way. The purpose of this is to display my understanding and comprehension of (to a certain extent), and sympathy toward the frustration we must be leaving God with, ultimately leading to His great loving grace.

So...I work in a lab, right? I've been here for 3+ years, and over time there are a lot of volunteers who find their way into these halls and into my office (regrettably :-P, jk). When I first started, there were two young women who were working here. They were both pursing bachelor's degrees and applying to medical schools. They were both very diligent workers...coming in early, getting work done, being very independent, and probably most important of all--they were teachable.

Fast forward to the past 10 months where we have this new volunteer. Let's call him "John" (this is not his real name for respect/privacy purposes). Anyway, John has been coming into the lab since last April or so. He has  a bachelor of science degree, took some time off after undergrad to pursue various interests, and is now back taking a few classes and volunteering in the lab, in hopes of getting accepted to grad school so he may become a PhD and run his own lab some day.

Months go by. I can understand a student's difficulty getting acclimated to a new job/lab and having to learn new skills (and hopefully perform them well) since I've been there myself, so I feel like I am a patient person with John in all the things he does and messes up. Which is a lot. I will give you one specific example that happened 2 days ago, and how the Holy Spirit threw conviction into my mind so quickly.

On Monday, I had an experiment planned. I felt bad that I've made him just stand and watch so many experiments without being able to help. But as any graduate student scientist will tell you, NEVER hand over ANY of your work unless you can trust the person won't screw it up. Needless to say, I can count the amount of people I can trust with my work on one finger so that wasn't happening. Anyway, I finally developed a "practice" experiment John could do that would show he was capable of accurately completing his task with an experiment that has a known and expected outcome. That way we could gauge if he did it correctly. For the sake of those who are not scientists, I will give an example of the experiment using every-day things instead of the scientific lingo.

Let's say John's experiment was to make ice cubes in a tray, and they all had to be a specific size and weight. Well, since a tray doesn't have measurements on it, he'd have to measure the water in a measuring cup before  placing it in the tray to know it's the correct amount. Say John was new to the ice-world...so I typed up a protocol. It went above and beyond normal description--it gave all the steps, in detail, to perform the experiment correctly. I handed this paperwork to him. Then I even stood right next to him and walked him step-by-step through the protocol. I showed him how to get the water, how to pour the water into the measuring cup, how to pour the measured water into the tray, how to set the tray in the freezer and finally how to weigh the cubes. (I know this is a silly example, but it fits the bill, just trust me.) I even told him I'd be right next to him working on some things (the real project) and if he had any problems or questions, that he could ask me for help and guidance.

(Are you catching on yet?)

A few minutes later, I look over at John and he's adding the water directly to the trays. No measuring cups. When I showed him how to put the trays in the freezer, he just skipped that step and tried to measure the weight of the liquid (and it all just poured away off of the scale since it wasn't in the correct, solid form). Then when I asked John if he read the protocol, he said no. When I asked him why he didn't ask me for help, he just said, "oh, I don't know".

And let me just stop the story here, because now is where I get to the forehead-slapping part (on my behalf).

As I was driving in to work today, somewhat dreading having to work with John again (he comes in twice a week...and if you really want to learn how to do anything properly you need to come in 4-5 days a week), I spent a good 5 minutes complaining to Sal about the story I just told you. Then, as it usually happens, I just got this sudden thought in my head--a burst of humility thrown at me from the Holy Spirit. I was caught off guard, and felt foolish for what I was saying. I immediately turned to Sal and started sharing with him how silly I am and how great God is.

---
Many of you (as if "many" people read this) may have already seen the humor in this...the allusions. But I will post it below to be entirely clear.

Let's replace the roles in the story...

-Isn't it reasonable/understandable to see why the researcher didn't give John the real project to do? 
What grace God must have to hand us over His work/opportunities on earth, even though we screw up all the time. That being said, though, it seems as though the people in the Bible that God entrusted to carry out His plan were those who were humble and obedient. That doesn't mean someone has to be perfect or righteous or holy--that is entirely IMPOSSIBLE for us to be, rather we can love Jesus fully and wholly, and our obedience will reflect in that love. We need to be teachable, unlike John in my situation. I am often unreliable, proud, and ignore the Spirit. I am "John" to God...

-John had a complete protocol on how to do the experiment correctly, yet he did practically everything wrong. Has God not given me/us the provision for living life--in His Word, the Bible? Instead, I often just do things my own way, as if I already know what's best for me even though the best way to do it is already laid out for me to follow and understand. I fail, and I can only imagine how frustrating this is to Jesus. I was baffled when John said he didn't read the protocol--it's the most informative and logical thing to do when he was uncertain. I have no right to lose patience with him, though, because I betray God like this quite often.

-John only comes in a few hours, 2 days per week to learn. That lack of time reflects in a complete lack of understanding. We all know if you want to learn something, you have to be dedicated. If I only spent a small fraction of my time with God, compartmentalizing Him, then there is no doubt it's not a real relationship...and it's clearly not a loving one. Think of the people you love the very most. You want to spend time with them and see them every day because you care and are passionate about them. Jesus can't just be a "part" of our lives, He must be our every-day, every-thing. I fail at always prioritizing Him. If I can't prioritize Him, then where is my love? What idols are stealing my time? I get annoyed with John when he doesn't put much time or effort in. I'm sure God gets annoyed with me, too. But He still calls me His daughter and loves me, and I pray He convicts my heart to desire Him more.

-The researcher made the experiment and knows how to carry it out the way it was intended to be done. Is this not reflective of Jesus, who knows how to get through life sinless and perfectly? Who are we to question the creator...the one who knows best.

-I(we) am John, who thinks he's 'doing the right thing', but in actually just royally butchering it all. Even when I screw up, God has patience to keep working with me to and through me to make me better.

-How is John supposed to strive to be like the researcher when he can't even ask for help? Can we truly stand before God if we can't humble ourselves before Him and ask Him to be the Way? Isn't God always there for me and GLAD to listen and to help through my thoughts and prayers when I ask, just like the researcher was there for the student to help out? This being said...

-The researcher understood the struggles of being thrown into the experiment because she had been there, too. Jesus was born as a human (100% human, 100% divine) into this world to experience the temptations, feel our pains, endure our struggles. God sympathizes with us and gave up His son for us.

-The researcher also correctly walked through the protocol with John and got the right results. Jesus showed us how to live life sinless and perfect. By him, we have THEE example to live by. Maybe I should pay better attention...

-Every day John comes in, he tends to screw up the experiment (not an exaggeration, lol!). God must be SO frustrated and sad, we keep turning this life into something it was never intended to be. We keep screwing it up and bogging it down with heaps of sin...yet God doesn't fire us or tell us never to return. He extends His hand to help us out of the pit we've dug ourselves into!

I'm sure if you re-read the events of my Monday, keeping God and us in mind, you can see all of these connections and more!


Oh my gosh, how wonderful God is! Seriously! It amazes me how His story is important and intertwined in EVERY area of our lives, that God could use such a mundane part of my day to teach me such huge lessons on patience, love, kindness, gentleness, GRACE. How HUMBLING. It made me want to shut up and pray for more of Christ's character to reside in me. That I don't want to come home and complain about other people every day; rather, be so thankful and awestruck with how I am bombarded and covered with grace, forgiveness, and understanding. How the heck does God handle all of our blatant stupidity? I am so unworthy, yet He just smiles at me, loves me, does clever little things through the Spirit to reach me (like this) and brings be down a notch (in a good way). I don't even feel ashamed in this situation because I know my frustrations are unjust and I want to repent of them. God forgives my lack of obedience and patience. Jesus died to cover my sin--and YOUR sin!--and welcomes us when we choose to turn from our sin, follow Him, and love Him. I LOVED having Christ's character revealed to me in such an every-day situation I face constantly. God is just SO good and incredible. Praise Him and all of His glory and teachings...the joy that arises from His sanctification is practically insurmountable.

interrupted.

side rant:  I've noticed what poor listeners most people are. And even in the past few weeks, it's been glaringly obvious to me because I've felt it a lot by the people I've interacted with. Doesn't it suck when people just interrupt you to say something to someone else or express their own, unrelated thought and not even excuse themselves for doing so but even worse never even return to the initial convo or acknowledge what you were saying in the first place? I know that was a lot to follow, but it makes sense, I swear. And it SUCKS that it makes sense. It shouldn't happen. We shouldn't go around making people feel so unimportant. 

Never be ashamed; do not change the Gospel to avoid offense.

-Do not be ashamed of Jesus and the Gospel (although it will offend...)
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes" -Romans 1:16

-Do not fall for false teachings: no additions or edits!
examples of false teachings always put something before the Bible or preface it: Mormonism, prosperity/capitalism, Marxism, "self" help...ANY ism. Any "movement" that changes the meaning and message of the Bible.
"I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel--which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned!" -Galatians 1:6-8

-Do not aim to please man, but please God (and by doing so we shall find the true joy in our purpose).
Therefore, once again, do not follow changes in the Gospel or change it yourself in hopes not to offend. The Gospel IS offensive.  God has called us to be TRUTHFUL, not "innovative" and shaping it to fit what people would find acceptable.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were will trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." -Galatians 1:10

-Jesus died for our sins...we have not done anything worthy--He gives us His Grace!
"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory for ever and ever."-Galatians 1:3-5 (emphasis added), and...the entire Bible.

Video Games: Completed

I just feel like having a log somewhere of the games I've completed. I will label this so I can access it in the future to edit/add. Obviously this isn't all inclusive because I played a lot of games when I was younger that I can't remember to add to this.

Sega
Mortal Kombat II (Sega)

SuperNES
Donkey Kong Country (SuperNES)
Zelda: Link to the Past (SuperNES)

N64
Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64)
Zelda: Majora's Mask (N64)
Mario 64 (N64)

PS2
Metal Gear Solid II: Sons of Liberty (PS2)

PS3
Heavy Rain (PS3)

Wii
Super Mario Brothers Wii (...Wii)
Zelda: Skyward Sword

Xbox/360
Indigo Prophecy (Xbox)
Portal I
LA Noire


Working on...
-Batman: Arkham Asylum
-Super Mario Galaxy
-

thank You

I love all of my girl friends, I really do. No matter their age or where they are at in their life.


However, I can REALLY appreciate having more mature girl friends. Being around those who are my age or a little older...who have careers, marriages. And it's not even those things that are necessary, but just a mindset that is focused on more important things in life. Having meaningful conversations that are not surrounded by gossip and drama; rather discussions about interests and activities.


I understand everyone needs to grow, and they will eventually. It's just nice to step away from mindless crap. I never really put my foot in that arena and I don't regret it; I also don't dislike my friends for what they choose to do with their time, even if it is those things I don't do. It's just that when you don't have to hear about it in every conversation you find how refreshing life is and are reminded how big the world is....how there are people all around with big dreams and great goals and searching for solid purpose.


I've always had friends that were younger than me--whether that be in age or in mind. But I guess you could say I've always been the big sister, the mentor, the level-headed one (at least for my age) so I've never really felt a connect to many people since we've been in different places in our lives. I'm exploring the people that have always been around me, but we've never really invested much time or effort into each other until now. I feel like I've been missing out, a little. I also see how my appreciation has developed, and for that I am thankful. 


I thank God for giving me friends I can connect with on a deeper level, no games involved.


I'm not really sure where I am headed with this. I guess I am just posting because I am glad. I am feeling the joy that only Christ can provide.