so tired of having crappy friends.

at least I have my husband, who is an awesome friend!

Besides him, there are probably 2-3 other people I consider "good" friends. And that might even be pushing it. I know I'm not always the greatest friend, but people are so ingenuine and at the end of the day, really don't care. I may not be close with a lot of people, but those I consider close, I am a fierce friend. It's not usually reciprocated, though. There are 2 examples that stick out in my mind that are wonderful friends...and one of them lives in Hawaii...so I can't even see her often like I'd like.

Also, finding that true friendships abide in Christ....unfortunately, I have been coming to find that my non-Christian friends just don't know how to love. (Not surprised)

Oh well. This is the complaint of most people out there. Real love is not conditional, so I can't fall into that.

busy

Life has gotten back to the jumble that it was last year.

I feel weird when I talk about being "busy" when a lot of that involves extra curricular activities. However, I've come to find as my schedule has packed up that I am very much so an introvert. "Introvert" does NOT mean not-outgoing or friendly, or even that you don't like being around people. It really has to do with energy--do I feel drained or recharged after seeing/being around people? The answer for me is "drained" and so I need my moments at home, alone (or with the husb) to feel completely at ease and relaxed. I have found that I enjoy just being around other people, not constantly having to be engaged in a conversation or something. I think my favorite times and my most comfortable friends to be around are the ones that I don't have to entertain...maybe they are playing a video game, sitting on the couch next to me as I knit. These are the times I love and appreciate the most, and feel the best at. These situations do not drain me.
I believe I have always been this way, reflecting back. It's just that before I had a husband and the responsibilities of cleaning and cooking each meal (which I am blessed to get to do...marriage is about sacrifice and helping, and so I take joy in these things), on top of working full-time+ I have few hours to actually sit and reflect on the day, to think and just breathe. I definitely didn't realize this when I was living at my parent's house in early grad school, my mom made dinner every night, etc. Oh, those days. A year and nine months, how before that felt so long ago. Well, during that season of my life I had so much more "free time" (compared to now) that I was always eager to meet up with other people. Now, I don't feel like I have more time at home beyond the 10 minutes I spend watching part of an episode of some comforting show (Office reruns!) as I lay in bed before sleep.

Anyway, back to what I was going to say. I have every moment planned from last week until next Tuesday night. No joke. There are even things I have to get done that I have no idea how that will happen, unless I do not sleep...and these days, they don't tell you that when you're 25 your stamina and ability to go to bed past midnight goes down tremendously. When I graduated high school I would sleep for like 2 hours for days in a row in the summer. Hang out late with friends, sleep at like 5am and then get up for a full day of work.
Grad school, I cut back because I enjoyed sleep, not because I *had* to. And now, well, I enjoy it AND I have to, or else I am dysfunctional entirely, for the rest of the day.
So yeah, this is going to be a challenge.

I feel like an important part that is missing, however, is my God-time. When days fly by I neglect my Bible reading and prayer times. When I do have a moment to sit down, I want to rest. And the correct answer is that will find rest in Him, but I want to shut my brain OFF. This is sinful of me...this life is not called to be easy, and there will never be full peace while here. The closest I can get is by drawing near to Christ. Ultimately, it will help me keep priorities straight and my planner cut down. There are not only advantages to spending time with God on a daily basis, but there are severe disadvantages to not! It makes attitudes worse, pride and selfishness go up. And that's NOT what I want.

Alright, while I sit here waiting for a stupid video to transfer to a usb drive, I can't do anything on the computer that I need to work with. I suppose I should try and busy myself with other productive things, regardless! Adios.

Since August of 2008, I've had car payments on my Honda Civic. Well, I paid a bill today and noticed I only have 18 more payments to make. Yeah, that's a lot when you think about it...only 1.5 more years haha. But still, 18 is way better than 72...

It's going to be beautiful to have an extra $280 every month. I wonder if my insurance will go down after it's paid off, as well! :-) Either way, God has blessed my family with enough money to take care of our needs.

We do have some credit card debt we are chipping away at, so to be able to add nearly $300 to each month will expedite our ability to pay them off by double!!!

This is a strange post. I just felt excited about it.

It's Friday after a long week of being sick...I have decided there is no shame in listening to the Selena Gomez and the Scene  pandora radio station while I data crunch all day at my desk.

Pride is so ugly.